Feminism is a Product and You are Buying it (Part 1)

Feminism of the most absurd variety is big business for small bloggers.  There are a group of women, mostly white, mostly college educated from middle class backgrounds that want to believe a narrative where they are the victims in a “patriarchal” system that is built for men.  Being a victim eliminates all feelings of social responsibility or guilt.  The problem with that, is as time marches on it becomes more and more difficult to prove the victimization of women in American society (and almost impossible in the UK and Canada).  In comes the Microagression!

Microagressions are great to write about because they get the aforementioned professional victims, but also the people who disagree that such things are real.  It’s down to such a science even buzzfeed, the bottom feeding shit aggregator site is jumping in.  Lets visit these buzzworthy “microagressions” shall we (Note, for some reason buzzfeed after publishing this changed it to micro misogyny which was even more ridiculous and why I chose to make fun of them as actually being “micro misandry”.)

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Bonus, from the comments (highlighted for your convenience):Capture1

also Janeway is the captain.  That guy is just some schmuck from one episodeCaptureCaptureCapture (6)CaptureCaptureCaptureCaptureCaptureCapture (12)CaptureCaptureCaptureCaptureHere’s my advice.  Next time you see something about “Microagressions” don’t give them your clicks.  Don’t let the terrorists win.

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26 Responses to Feminism is a Product and You are Buying it (Part 1)

  1. Sam says:

    Okay, so when I saw this post originally, the pic made me think, for some reason I’m not sure of now, that this was a post by a woman about why feminism is crap. Which intrigued me. Because that’s not a particularly common viewpoint. And then I started reading it. And I said to myself “Nope. Nope, this is definitely a guy.” But I still wasn’t positive, so I went and looked at some of your old posts to verify that you were, indeed, male. (That post about rape, by the way, is the most horrifying thing I’ve ever read. If you want to have a little conversation about why rape is more than just having sex with someone by force or when they are unconscious, then lets have a little chat about that later. I’ll help you get some of your statistics right.)

    But anyways, that’s not the point. The point is, do you know how I knew you were a man? Because there are, in fact, all this little bits of misogyny sprinkled throughout your post. And you don’t even realize it. Because it’s ingrained in the American culture. First of all, let’s get something straight. While we may have made some good strides in the last few decades, we do still, in fact, live in a patriarchal society. You need to go no further than to realize that a woman has never been president. And before you say “That’s because, up until recently, women haven’t run”. Ya, nope. Women have been running for president since that late 19th century. It’s only that they have actually begun to garner attention in more recent years. Usually they are ridiculed. Another widely accepted example of patriarchy? Men in the workplace who are assertive and dominant in the workplace are called leaders. But a woman in the workplace who is assertive and dominant is called bossy and made out to be a bitch. Men are respected for their leadership, while women are ridiculed. But, I digress. TLDR; patriarchy is still a thing.

    I will be the first to admit that that buzzfeed list is utter crap. It’s a bit bizarre and some of the items are completely far-fetched, but the way your respond to them is horrific. Here are just a few examples. Item 1: While the guy in question may genuinely think his ex is crazy, the reasons guys tend to think women are crazy range from being emotional to freaking out when a guy is flirting with another girl. Now, possessing strong emotions than you happen to does not make someone crazy. I have an ex who cried more than I did and I didn’t think he was crazy. And as for a situation like flirting, if you saw your girlfriend/wife flirting with another man, wouldn’t you be pissed? You may not be as vocal about it, but you’d still be mad. Women tend to be more vocal because we’ve pretty much been taught since birth that our worth in society is based on our physical attractiveness, and the ability to attract a man with said physical attractiveness. You probably don’t get this either or think it’s a real thing, but it would take much to long to explain exactly how this message is rammed into our heads from birth that being pretty is the ultimate objective in life.

    Item 3? Inequality in the workplace. http://www.kaiserhealthnews.org/daily-reports/2012/june/13/health-marketplace-women-doctors.aspx I especially like the last paragraph talking about the JAMA article. People don’t even realize that they’re favoring men. Because it’s ingrained in our brains!

    Item 4? The writer never said she couldn’t play bocce. She also gave the example of shuffle board. Regardless, it’s legitimately annoying when a man comes up to you when you are playing any sport, especially if it’s just casually with a friend, and tells you you’re doing it wrong. It’s just for fun. Chances are the person in question doesn’t care in the slightest whether they are ‘using the right technique’. And yes, I have had guy friends tell me that I’m not using the right technique to throw a bocce ball. There is no right technique when you’re playing a game for fun with friends.

    Item 11? Please see item #1. And to reiterate, overreaction is in the eye of the beholder. It’s completely inappropriate to dismiss legitimate complaints, regardless of how a person may vocalize them. You don’t do that to someone you respect.

    That’s just a sampling of the mysogeny in this post. It all comes done to respect in the end. Yes, women get more emotional than men. Does that mean that what they are saying is any less important? No. When women aren’t emotion, they get called ‘frigid’ or a bitch. Heck, we can get called those things simply for turning down a man’s unwanted advances. The way we, as a society treat women, is so ingrained into our culture that most people don’t even realize how screwed up it is. So, feminism? It’s completely legitimate to want to be respected as a fellow human being and treated the same as every other human being. That’s what feminism is all about.

  2. Sam says:

    First off, you are entitled to your own opinions. I’m merely presenting another viewpoint. As for equal pay and young women making more, that study is looking at an 8 year age gap between ages 22 and 30. That is a tiny subset of the population. They are literally picking out the statistics that fit the article they want to write. The study was done by a for-profit research firm. There is absolutely no way that there wasn’t any bias in that study. Statisticians can very easily skew data to say whatever they want by picking and choosing exactly which data to include. It’s not even that hard.

    And as for rape, there’s a big difference between regretting having sex with someone and being coerced into agreeing to having sex. “You’re my wife. This is your marital duty.” “You mean I bought you all those drinks for nothing? You’re such a tease! You owe me!” “But, we’ve been going out for months. Don’t you love me? Why don’t you want to have sex with me? That isn’t normal.” Ya, that’s coercion. Making somebody feel worthless if they don’t have sex with you and belittling them or arguing with them until they agree to have sex with you? That’s rape. No person, whether they are male or female, should ever be coerced to have sex if they don’t want to. Sex when you don’t want to have sex? That’s rape. You may agree to it because the person won’t leave you alone or maybe you’re afraid of their anger and they’re bigger and stronger than you or they make you feel like if you don’t have sex with them, you have less value as a human being. But that doesn’t mean you wanted to have sex. And that’s rape.

    • clintiskeen says:

      >They are literally picking out the statistics that fit the article they want to write.

      That’s what everyone does. The way the White House arrived at “77 cents on the dollar” is they took ALL college graduates of all disciplines and separated them by gender then compared the means.

      That ignores the fact that women outnumber men on campus 3/2 and disproportionately outnumber men in liberal arts and other low paying majors.

      The reason women make less is because they work less. Men work more hours, commute farther and work less desirable jobs in order to make more money. Women are more likely to take jobs that pay in fulfillment or shorter hours, but you never hear a feminist whining about the gender fulfillment and time gap, because at the end of the day feminists don’t care about the double standard when it favors them. They want to have cake and eat it too. You can’t. Either you have the cake or you eat the cake.

      >Sex when you don’t want to have sex? That’s rape.

      You’re twisting my words. I said sex you didn’t want, not sex you don’t want. That’s completely different. 47% of men reported having sex they didn’t want to have, but that doesn’t mean they were raped. That means in hindsight they didn’t’ want that sex.

      Calling that rape belittles rape.

      Also people, both men and women have sex all the time they don’t want to have to appease their partners. That isn’t rape. Calling that rape is disgusting and you are disgusting.

      • Sam says:

        Being belittled and coerced into having sex is rape. Just because the force is mental rather than physical, doesn’t mean it’s not by force. Mental abuse can have just as many long-lasting and damaging effects as physical abuse. Having sex to appease your partner and being coerced into having sex when you don’t want to are two different things. Coercion involves belittling and/or threatening a person. While violent rape is, indeed, a horrific thing, people have a very skewed view of rape. It’s not all strangers and parties and dark alleys. 70% of rapes are perpetrated by someone the victim knows. For example: A boy is told by his older male cousin that if he doesn’t agree to sex, then the older cousin is going to tell the boy’s parents what the two had been doing and get him “in big trouble” and that his parents will hate him for it. <– That, that happens. No force was used. No one was unconscious. That is still rape and it is just as insidious as violent rape, because not only is that boy being coerced into sex, but he is also being made to feel ashamed about it. The psychological repercussions are often innumerable.

        And as far as the 'working less'. Women may work less hours than men, sure. But who's to say they are working less? Larry could put in 5 more hours than Joe a week, but the two may still get the same amount of work done. Who's to say that Larry works 5 more hours than Susie a week and they still get the same amount of work done? Or maybe, somebody has to be home to greet the kids, so Susie takes her work home with her to complete it because gender roles typically put women in the child-rearing position.

        Using things like "men take harder jobs" and "men work more hours" are just using crutches. Men may take 'tougher jobs', but that's not necessarily because they are more willing to "work less desirable jobs in order to make more money". Think about what those 'tougher jobs' are. Say, construction work. Do you really, honest to god, think that if a woman applied to work a construction job and she were just as qualified as a male applying for the same job, that she would get the job? I cannot even tell you the number of times I have been approached by a man while I was using tools and asked "Are you sure you know what you're doing? Would you maybe like some help with that?" when I know exactly what I am doing and am not having any trouble with the project at all. There is a serious gender bias in these so-called "tougher jobs". My female friends that work for oil companies get belittled all the time, then blamed for mistakes that they didn't make. I had one friend who went to her superior to report a coworker for repeatedly hitting on her and making lewd comments, both of which were completely unwelcome, and both of which persisted even after she told the guy that she wasn't interested. Her superior? He laughed at her. It's no wonder there aren't more women in these 'tougher jobs'. On top of an already difficult, physically and/or mentally taxing job, having to deal with harassment and not even being taken seriously when you try to lodge a complaint? Are you telling me men have to deal with similar harassment in these 'tougher jobs'?

        This is getting kooky. We are never going to see eye to eye on this whole feminism thing, so this is my last response. If you want to have a mature and intellectual debate about this whole rape thing, I'm still all for that. I'm very passionate about the topic and maybe, perhaps, you hadn't considered a certain angle before. Who knows. But if you want to continue, I ask that you refrain from name calling. It's petty and childish and adds nothing to a debate.

      • Sam says:

        As for the twisting your words. I didn’t intend to. “Because of this we have to define what rape is in greater detail. “When someone has sex they don’t want to have through some kind of force, to include blackmail, or a situation where the victim is for all intents and purposes unconscious is going to be our definition. Right now that’s what the word rape means.” That’s how you defined rape. It is a very narrow and incomplete definition. And when you then said “Also no matter what “statistics” you show me, you’re never going to convince me that it’s rape if a woman regrets it later.” it implied that those are the only options: rape by force, rape of the unconcious, or a woman regretting having sex. And that is categorically untrue.

      • clintiskeen says:

        That’s lifted COMPLETELY out of context. You ignore the 3 paragraphs leading up to it, including

        ” If we define it as “unwanted sex” there are problems. According to the Journal of Sex Research, more than 46% of men have had sex they didn’t want to have. I don’t think we’re going to call that rape. To do so belittles victims of legitimate rape.”

        See what happens when you take things out of context?

  3. Sam says:

    Yes, but unwanted sex is still a good working definition if it’s fleshed out a little bit. And I think it’s belittling to victims of rape that was not forceful or during unconciousness, to use the narrow definition in any regard. Sure, there are nuances and shades of grey, but, in general, rape is unwanted sex. Regret is not wanting the sex after it has occurred, whereas rape is not wanting the sex before it occurred by being coerced/shamed/bullied/forced/blackmailed/etc into it by the party or parties involved in the sexual acts. So ya, unwanted sex is too broad. But sex by force or unconsciousness is far, far too narrow. And that’s the definition you proceeded to use throughout the rest of the article. And I think that by using this narrow definition throughout the article, your thoughts on “teach men not to rape” have less weight because they do not address the complexity of rape, nor the prevalence of rape culture and misogyny in our society.

    While “teach men not to rape” is, again, a broad generalization, I think that the idea behind it is to shift societal views so that women, in general get more respect, as opposed to being considered emotional, unpredictable creatures, ruled over by their hormones and want for husbands. Yes, I understand that not all men have this set of beliefs, but these are general cultural norms, along with the idea that a woman’s worth is largely determined by her looks. And defining a woman’s worth by her looks is basically turning her into an object, rather than an intellectual being capable of making worthwhile contributions to society. And the phrase “To end rape, we don’t have to teach men not to rape, we need to teach men not to have criminal antisocial personality disorders.” seems extremely ridiculous to me.

    A study done in 2009 showed no association between sexual offenses and personality disorders, even though personality disorders had many associations with other criminal offenses. This leads me to believe that it’s more of a cultural problem. In which case, maybe we should change the slogan to “To end rape, we need to teach our child to have respect for one another, regardless, of gender, sexual preference, religion, physical appearance, etc. Or, we need to teach them some morals and work on character building.” I think, that way, not only will we start actually working on the problem, but we might actually start to have men feeling comfortable enough to come forward and report sexual assaults.

  4. Sam says:

    It’s not that they rape because they don’t think it’s wrong. And again, I’m not talking about all men here. I’m saying that society has a tendency to objectify women and make it socially acceptable to treat women with less respect than they deserve, which is to say that they deserve the same amount of respect garnered towards men. But, the problem is, often times, people don’t even realize that what they’re saying is wrong. Like when anyone, male or female, brushes off a woman’s legitimate anger with a simple “She must be on her period.” or “It must be the hormones.” And those sorts of comments are, generally, socially acceptable. So, no, rape is not happening because people (anyone who rapes) don’t think it’s wrong. Rape occurs because people don’t understand that what they are doing is rape. Yes, sure, you will have the creepers and the skeevies and the mentally ill folks that rape because they’re on a power trip or mentally ill, but I think this whole movement to “teach men not to rape” is about changing general perceptions about sex and what is acceptable.

    Take, for instance, a situation in which a guy and girl are at a party and they go off together and start making out. Things progress and they start to get hot and heavy and the clothes come off. At this point, the girls realizes that she doesn’t want to have sex with this guy. Now, the right thing for the guy to do is to stop without objection. But it is generally deemed socially acceptable to say something along the lines of “But, we’ve already started. Come on. You want this. Let’s keep going. You can’t just get naked and not follow through. I thought you were cool. It’s not okay to just leave a guy hanging.” And the guy continues on. And at that point she is being guilted and coerced into having sex that she does not want to have. Again, I’m not saying that all men would do this. I’m just trying to give an example. In general, we need to teach that if someone decides they don’t want to have sex anymore, regardless of how far you’ve already gone, then you need to respect that person’s wishes and stop and not try to convince the person to keep going. It’s a shift in cultural perception.

    I’m trying to make these thoughts as clear as possible, but it’s such a complex issue… Does what I’m saying make sense?

  5. Sam says:

    Yes and no. I don’t often take those phrases at face value. When I hear “teach men not to rape”, I think, okay let’s have conversations about proper conduct and what exactly rape is and what consent to sex is and when it’s invalid and all sorts of other things. But, if I were to take the phrase extremely literally, then yes. I do agree that “teach men not to rape” won’t stop rapes because men are not inherently born with the tendency to rape. In general, I don’t think men are raping because they think they’re supposed to rape. But I do think that they think what they are doing is okay and acceptable behavior in many instances. Even in the instance of the very drunk girl. Everybody has heard “No means no”, but we need to start teaching people “Only yes means yes.”

    • clintiskeen says:

      There is no such thing as “Yes and no” here.

      Either you believe that rapes happen because men don’t know they aren’t supposed to rape and a class could fix that, or you don’t believe that

      As for the drunk girl, fuck that. Your idea of protecting the drunk girl is from a point of view that women lose virtue by being DTF and men gain cool points from it. It’s slut shaming.

      • Sam says:

        I’m saying that yes, if you take it extremely literally, I agree that “teaching men not to rape” is not going to stop rapes. But, I’m saying no because, if you don’t take it so literally and look at that phrase as a representation of changing societal views and having honest conversations with girls and guys alike about sex and consent and what’s appropriate in sexual relationships and such. I keep listing all the stuff out and I just don’t want to list it anymore. I don’t think a class can fix this. I think it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a class. It’s going to take a cultural shift.

        I’m not really sure what you mean by that last girl. When I referenced the ‘drunk girl’, I’m saying that it is generally believed that if a person is drunk, it’s generally okay to have sex with them. But, when anyone is intoxicated, either with alcohol or drugs, they cannot consent to anything. Yes, there are sure some slut shaming overtones and such, but anyone intoxicated cannot consent to sex because they are not in full possession of their faculties. Men can’t consent while intoxicated either. This is not a double standard. In fact, in Iowa, it is illegal to have sex with someone who is drunk. I mean, of course, if it’s premeditated, that’s a different story. But if you meet someone at the bar and decide to randomly hook up and one of you is drunk, that’s illegal. But I digress. If you’re referencing something else with that last paragraph, please clarify.

  6. Sam says:

    Keep in mind, these generalizations mainly apply to non-violent rapes. Violent rapes are a different beast all together and tend to hint at underlying mental issues, in general.

      • Sam says:

        I actually really quite like that article. And I completely agree that sexual regret and rape are two different things. While I don’t agree with every single point the article made, I especially like the idea that “We should prevent behavior that prevents people from giving consent”. And I think, when above I was discussing consent, I was being much too black and white. Though, technically, I believe that you can’t truly give consent while intoxicated (in order to truly consent to something, you have to be in full possession of your mental faculties), there are certainly shades of grey. And if two people are drunk together and choose to have sex, sure, cool. But the line gets blurred when one or both parties are intoxicated because judgement is impaired in both parties. It’s a lot easier to take advantage of a person, any person, when they are drunk.

        [I’m sorry if my thoughts are a little disjointed. I’m a little out of it today.]

      • Sam says:

        And if you feel like twisting my words, whatever. But if you don’t like my comments, just delete all of them. That’s fine with me. You have the moderator power. Go for it.

  7. Pingback: I Have Apparently Been Raped Multiple Times. Thanks for Enlightening Me! | Doc Carnage

  8. Eric says:

    I read this whole thing and honestly, I can’t even begin to describe how mad this whole thing has made me. Sam, you clearly have a set mind on something and nothing will ever change that. Not facts, not disputes, not anything. You can twist and distort anything to fit your opinion.

    Talking about rape being sex that a female didn’t want after the fact can hardly be considered rape. I have had sex with girls, later they found out that I’m an asshole and told my friends about it happening. They then told me if they could go back and change it, they wouldn’t have had sex with me. They said yes, but then they said they didn’t like it in the past. Is that rape? It’s unwanted after the fact, I didn’t coerce them, they in fact brought it up, so was it rape?

    Now what about another girl, since girls can’t give consent when they’re drunk. What constitutes being drunk? A beer? 2 beers? What is your drunk. If a girl has 1 beer and says yes, does that invalidate it and I’m raping her? You give very vague definitions to fit your ideas.

    Now, let’s take the example on one more girl that happened rather recently. This girl loved me but then found out that I had sex with her friend. She then said the only way she would have sex with me is after she got drunk. She said she would have sex with me (giving me the “only yes is yes” as you put it) when she was sober, so she had, in fact, in a sober mind, agreed to have sex with me. She then went out with her friends, got drunk, came over, knocked on my door and demanded I have sex with her. The next day, she regretted it. But there are clearly messages saying she was going to. Now, she was drunk when it happened, she was drunk when she made the decision to come over on her own accord (but she couldn’t have….because she was drunk and drunk girls can’t make decisions or give consent according to you), and proceed to consent once more (in line with her former agreement that she would have sex with me when she’s drunk). Now, if what you say is to be taken as fact, then the idea that she was drunk should have constituted that as rape should it have not? You say that a woman that has been drinking cannot give consent. And although she gave consent prior, this does not constitute consent because it is later on. But she still made the same decisions, came over after she said she was going to come over and demanded to have sex with me.

    Now, should I be charged with rape because a few days later she regretted it and felt like an idiot when I told my friends? Because that would constitute past unwanted sex that she decided to have when she was drunk. Now, she didn’t regret it until I told my friends, she thought it was amazing, remembered the whole thing, but once I told my friends, she regretted it because someone said something. Should the act of telling my friends be rape? Because that is what made her regret it. Until then, she didn’t and had I never told my friends, she never would have regretted it. You need to give a better definition if you want something to stand on. How should these three cases be handled. If you want some ground to stand on, answer these 3 legitimate scenarios with what constitutes rape because in your definition, absolutely all of them are rape because they regretted it afterwards. I must have coerced them somehow.

    Also, if you’re going to use the argument that drunk girls can’t make decisions, you should realize that statement in itself is completely sexist. What you’re essentially saying is that ‘girls can’t make decisions when they’re drunk, but guys can’.

    Are you saying that men are stronger mentally than women? Are you saying that girls should be exempt from the rule only when it favors them? What exactly are you saying. The correct term would be (if you’re actually going for equal rights) would be the drunk PEOPLE can’t make decisions or give consent when they are drunk and therefore if a guy gives consent for a girl to borrow his car when he’s been drinking, and she takes it, that should be grand theft auto. She stole his car because he couldn’t give consent. How would you respond to something like that? If you can’t (and I mean rationally, and not in some roundabout way that never actually answers the question as I can answer all of these scenarios with ease, and any scenario you give I could back up with facts and logic) then it sounds like the framework for your very ideals need to be reconsidered.

    Please respond as I’m actually very curious as to how one could possibly answer this from your point of view.

    P.S. Don’t say that you never say unwanted sex was rape and refuse to answer the question, you still give the statement that a girl can’t give consent when drunk (which is what the last 3 deal with) and that only yes is yes (which is what the third one deals with)

    Thank You

    • Sam says:

      Hey, so I’m going to try to respond to all of this comment, but I may miss something. First and foremost, I never said that sexual regret and rape are the same thing. Regretting sex with someone after the fact is not rape. Now, if a person were coerced into having sex, then ya, that’s rape. I believe I said “Regret is not wanting the sex after it has occurred, whereas rape is not wanting the sex before it occurred by being coerced/shamed/bullied/forced/blackmailed/etc into it”.

      As far as women not being able to consent when drunk and men being able to, I’m pretty sure I didn’t say that either. I’m pretty sure I said “anyone intoxicated cannot consent to sex because they are not in full possession of their faculties. Men can’t consent while intoxicated either. This is not a double standard.” And, while I do admit that I painted a very black and white picture there and there is certainly more to sex while intoxicated and giving consent and such, I’m pretty sure I said that men can’t consent to sex while drunk either. As for your car example, I think you’re using consent out of context. To respond to that though, I can’t even imagine a situation where borrowing a car could be construed as grand theft auto. If she proceeded to take the car and not return it, then that’s a different matter. But I also think that equating rape and stealing a car is really kind of a crap thing to do. They do not, in anyway, measure up. One is property and the other is a person’s body. You’re not dealing with some big piece of metal, you’re dealing with a living human being.

      Look, you can attack all you want. That’s fine. And I’m willing to admit I’m wrong if I am convinced by someone else’s argument. I certainly have been wrong in the past and will get things wrong in the future. So, prove me wrong. Give me a well reasoned argument as to why exactly I’m wrong. And what exactly I’m wrong about, because from what I can see, you’re mad at me for saying that sexual regret is rape (which I didn’t) and that women can’t consent when drunk but men can (which I didn’t). I am completely open to a calm and respectful discussion/debate or whatever you’d like to call it.

      • clintiskeen says:

        We blame the drunk driver, not the tree they ran into.

        You’ll find out about after your next birthday when you’re considered old enough to drink.

      • des says:

        Sam, you seem to be a decent person, since you keep an open mind, which deserves respect.

        But you seem to neglect one important factor: Agency of the woman. Her capability of making decisions and act on them. Yes, coercion, shaming, belittling are despicable tactics, and can even lead to repeated instances or mobbing if the victim does not comply. However, a woman dating this man, say a couple months, and the guy wants to have sex, and she gives in, how the heck is the man supposed to know she gave a proper, true, honest, 100% consent or not? And there’s the question: why would she not try to resolve the situation with other means first, like dumping him, and choose sexual act instead? It’s a lose-lose situation. There’s no denying that. But assuming we are talking about adults here, the person who chooses coerced sex over blackmail, might not be the most grownup person. After all, blackmailing has such a power that even an initial compliance will NOT save the victim from being blackmailed again. And she’ll end up by both being raped and STILL getting blackmailed. I’m not defending either side, just trying to make the point: different actions have different consequences. This is what separates adults from children.

        The agency applies to sex between regular couples as well, as long as NO physical force or threat of force is used, I can imagine every person in a long time relationship had sex at least once with their partner, although they were not in best mood, and just said “oh well, let’s get it over with”. I’ve experienced it with my ex-gf’s and ex-wife so many times. I have even got shit and bad treatment, when I occasionally didn’t comply (belittling swings both ways), but in time we learned to accept it. But the point is on numerous occasions I went along. Have I been raped? No. I can clearly differentiate between if she were being disrespectful or not. Those women were still the women I loved and respected. We weren’t raping each other (not in the sense that crazy people want us to believe), Is it a turn on for me or her, when you realize your partner is “on automatic” that day and not the wild beast who fucked like for 4 hours straight 1 week ago? No. But that’s the result of monotony and not thinking about it much. It becomes routine and sometimes you put their sexual needs in front of yours. Is it a healthy, loving relationship? Maybe not. But that’s the reality of long-term relations. And guess what, this monotony would be automatically labelled as rape (especially of “her”, but never of “him”), if the persons start to grow a dislike for each other, and yet still go on with it. See the lines get extremely blurred, and there is no a single formula. But personally I believe an ADULT would be able to differentiate if she or he is being raped, it’s a matter of common sense, not feminist propaganda or legal system.

        And on a side note, everyone here seems to sidetrack to rape, from the original article’s items. I agree and disagree with some, it’s beside the point. The most dishonest, despicable item in the list was the “get out of jail free” item #11. Anyone can prepare any like a self-fulfilling prophecy with completely far-fetched items like 10 or 14, and someone reacts to it, they’ll already have it covered: “see, they tell us women, we’re overreacting, thus misogyny”. That’s so low.

        Other than that, much more civilized discussions here, than I’m used to from other platforms. Kudos to everyone.

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