Things Only an Asshole Would Do or Say, (work in progress)

“I’m not religious but I’m spiritual” because it means “I think I’m superior to Christians, but I check my horoscope and believe magical beams come out of quartz rocks that can heal my body”

Whine about how non Africans wearing dreadlocks is cultural appropriation, on a computer connected to the internet.


Complain about a soccer mom with 4 kids driving a “Gas guzzling SUV”, while carrying a bottle of imported water. How do you think that gets here? You think there is a really long pipe that connects us to Fiji and the French Alps? If there were how would they mine the ore to build the pipes? It’s all getting burned. What we don’t burn, gets burned in China where there is no emission standard.


Brag about not shopping at Walmart, shop at Target


Hear about a tragic mass shooting, think up ways to make it about your personal pet cause #yesallwomen, “Violent videogames” One Million Moms Against Guns


Try to make a cat vegan. If you aren’t comfortable with your pet eating meat, get a fucking bird.



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